Lilith
by VirtuousViolet
Summary: Ludwig reminisces one day about his once loved Feli- oh excuse me, Lilith (this is my first fanfic so be gentle) (also Feliciano is referred to as Lilith. Why? Because Ludwig doesn't want to say his name. Poor heartbroken baby)


Ludwig wasn't a religious soul, that much was obvious to those that knew him. The thought that the world was made by an all-powerful entity that constantly looked over everyone and judged them by what they did didn't appeal to him. To him, religion seemed more like a nagging aunt who scrutinizes your every step. His brother told him that the comfort of religion: the thought that someone is listening and helping you out when you pray or confess, is what sells it. Ludwig had yet to be convinced. No matter how many Catholic masses he attended, how many confessions he took part of, how many Catholic schools he was a pupil of, how many bedtime stories on how the first man and woman affected their current world were told to him, they weren't enough to convert him. He lived his days in doubt of Christianity being a structured ideal.

That was until he met _him_.

Ludwig will never say _his_ name, out loud or otherwise. _His_ name was Lily. Ludwig will refer to _him_ as Lily until the day he perishes 6 feet underground or until Lily becomes a permanent part of his life. When Lily finally becomes Lily Vargas-Beilschmidt Ludwig will finally say _his_ name; 5 syllables that haphazardly tumble through his mind in his every waking moment.

The biblical figure of Lilith always fascinated him as a child and even now as an adult. She was the original woman. She was Adam's first wife but was forgotten. She was made to be an evil child killing monster due to her leaving God's first man. She was made to weaken children, a fact she realized and wallowed over but embraced it reluctantly. Then Eve was created. Eve wasn't, seen as Adam's equal like Lilith. Eve replaced Lilith as Adam's wife and as the first woman. Eve was glamorized and loved by those who followed Christianity, even if she caused the fall of man. Eve was idolized and recognizable while Lilith was hated and forgotten.

Nevertheless, not forgotten by all. Some groups saw Lilith as a goddess. A goddess of seduction and erotic dreams; the suppressed desire of those ashamed to admit their sexual fantasies. A particular view saw her as a goddess of children, childbirth, women, sexuality, and everything in between.

Lilith was viewed as a goddess that fished her way through men's minds and plucked out sheltered desires.

* * *

Ludwig swore that Lily must be otherworldly, _he_ had exposed a part of Ludwig that he never knew of. Ludwig never thought of himself as a homosexual. Whenever he walked down a street no men caught his attention. Whenever he was near half naked men in towels he didn't feel anything. No embarrassment, no coil in his stomach, no heat on his facial structure, no attraction. Nothing. The same was with women. He was embarrassed due to social stigmas, but there was no arousal, no connection.

Then why did he feel this was towards Lily. Ever since he saw Lily walking down a faint trail in a rundown park that was near his apartment, he was entranced. Lily's gold eyes scanned a sketchbook Ludwig now knew was filled with beautiful compositions of art made by Lily. Every movement _his_ lithe body made caused Ludwig's heart to thump. Every bat of _his_ long eyelashes struck away any sense of guilt. Every pulchritudinous smile of _his_ was enough to make him forget. Every sway of _his_ hips when _he_ walked made his sexuality ajar, vulnerable, fragile, distorted. Sexuality didn't matter now. All that Ludwig knew was that he loved and desired Lily with every ounce of his being.

He's ok with that.

{Keep in mind how everything is said in past tense}

Lily was a thing of the past. _His_ alluring visage kept haunting Ludwig years and years after they had departed. Memories of his friendship with the male made his heart ache, an ache that reminded Ludwig of the fall Lily spent in Munich. The love and happiness he felt by being in the same building as Lily kept him alive: it drove him insane yet kept him sane at the same time, it still does. Yet, his heart's pang also reminded him that it was all in the past, a past that was meant to be forgotten, a sad fall whose only purpose was to incapacitate him.

* * *

"Hey, Ludwig."

"Yes?"

The Auburn male turned to the tall blond and rested his head on top of his arms that were crossed over a rail. He and Ludwig were watching _the _sunset; the last sunset before he moved back to Italy. The rail was looking over a river that intersected the park where they first met. The sunset made everything look surreal in the Italian's opinion. The sun's last rays accentuated Ludwig's visage: his cheekbones, jaw, hair, silhouette, everything.

"Do you... Well.." The shorter male swallowed as if something was stuck in his throat. "Do you think we'll ever forget each other?" Lily looked down as if he had revealed a secret, something that shouldn't be said.

"It's because I don't ever want to forget you. You're so strong and cool and nice and caring and you put up with me! I know in tough to deal with because I'm lazy and you're so organized! And I'm always rambling and don't let you talk and.." The man kept rambling on trying to support his question. His body was now fully turned to Ludwig. Delicate hands kept flailing around ecstatically, no force kept them from moving in any direction possible.

He looked so sumptuous: the orange rays that came from Ludwig's left illuminated this godly male. Even if he was panicking, his every move was graceful. His lithe body was drowned in Ludwigs coat making him look cuter in Ludwig's opinion. Ludwigs was positive that a face as gentle and gorgeous as Lily's was never meant to grimace like it was right now. His face was made to smile not to twist in embarrassment.

"It's ok, I understand," Ludwig said softly as he placed his hands on Lily's shoulders, abruptly stopping his movements. Lily looked up. Amber met cerulean and formed the most lovely shade of ardency. Ludwig smiled softly looking down at the smaller male and slowly pulled him in for a hug.

"I love you,"

Lily whispered against Ludwig's black button-up shirt. Ludwig's eyes widened. He swallowed his heart that seemed stuck in his throat. His throat felt clogged, making his voice unable to go through.

"You're the best thing that has happened to me," Ludwig whispered back hoarsely. "Feliciano."

* * *

Indeed.

Lilith is the sweetest tragedy that has happened to Ludwig.

Writing: 5/10/2019 [Yo man, I deadass stayed up _really_ late to finish this in one day. It was impulsive but I don't mind.]

Editing/revising: 5/12/2019


End file.
